The Cold Heavens
by Chikai Tenshi
Summary: Chi-Chi is alone once again and starts to wonder-is it really worth it? (ahh! don't kill me, just read it!)


Why do I even bother?  
  
He's gone again. Kami knows where he went this time, and when he would decide to come back. My Father warned me about this. I chuckle bitterly to myself as I watch the night sky's treasures, all there for me to behold and wonder, but never to take. Maybe that's the same as the reason my husband keeps leaving me.   
  
And what if he ever decided to leave for good? I would probably see him off with a smile and a wave, all the while dying inside. I let down my hair and sigh as I listen to my sons' rhythmic breathing and snoring in the other rooms. The sparkle has gone out of my eye, my Father says, the bounce in my step is missing. He keeps trying to tell me that I should come home for a while-get away from my family to take a break. Picking up my comb, I see my shadowed eyes in the cool glass of my mirror. Get away from my family? How many people actually want to get away from their families?  
  
Heaven knows I'm not the best mother; I muse as I tug at my strands, black waves falling down my back. I'm temperamental, rash, and completely helpless when it comes to fighting. Compared to my husband, dear lords, my sons, I'm out of their league. I used to be the best. A smirk tugged at my lips. The best, that is, until Son Goku came along. Even my seven-year-old heart burst out of my chest. I was ecstatic when we got married.  
  
The brush stops its rhythmic slide, and I drop it from unfeeling fingers. Now that I think of it, Goku didn't even know what was happening until we were actually saying our vows. He didn't even know what the word marriage meant. What if he just went along with it to make me happy? Goku is that type of man...he would sacrifice his own happiness to ensure another's. What if he did the same for me?  
  
I turn the mirror to see my reflection better, and I gasp. What happened to me? I looked older than I really was. Tired eyes reprimanded me in the unsympathetic glass. I was ugly, old, and exhausted. I never really looked at myself, not since the days when Gohan was still really a baby. Kami, what happened to me? No wonder Goku always runs off-he always leaves me because he can't stand to be with some withered old crone.  
  
Small, crystal tears run down my cheeks and I close my eyes, trying to muffle my sobs. I...I can't believe this. I would bet my life that Goku was leaving me, and for the last time. Every threat to the Earth he takes, not only because he feels he has the right to defend this planet, but also because he can't wait to leave me here and go off to have fun.  
  
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I let out a scream as I let my hand fly. Stinging pain rocks through me as I realize that I'd punched the glass, my bleeding fist protruding on the other side of the wooden frame. Holding back a keening cry, I angrily wipe at my tears, praying that my wail didn't wake my sons.   
"Mommy? Are you ok?" Goten's form was illuminated by light as he stood in the door.  
"It was nothing. I just...had a bad dream, that's all, Goten," I reassure him. Go away. "Ok,'night" he yawns, walking towards his room again. I hear the click of his door.  
  
Looking down, I feel my breath leave me. My face stared back at me, accusingly...but with all of the glass shards, there seemed to be a hundred of me, all trapped in some glass cage that they dare not escape.  
  
Daddy was right. I need a break from this family. I ran to my dresser and tore open the drawers. Throwing all my clothes in the small bag I had, I wiped at my tears with my injured hand, ignoring the pain it brought to have the salty moisture touch my open wound. I needed to be alone, I needed to get away, I needed to...run away.  
  
Why do I even bother? I could have left a long time ago, and yet I still stayed here. Was it because of my sons? Nonsense, they have demonstrated that they're completely fine without my guidance. My husband? That was a laugh. Yeah, honey, I'll be here for you! At least I'll be there for you when you decided to pop in every once in a while. I shut my suitcase shut with a sharp click, taking delight in the final sounding snap it made. I could go home! Visit my Father and never look back. I'm sure Gohan and Goten could do without me. Their father could come home later and take care of them.   
  
Tiptoeing past my son's rooms, I draw in a breath as I see the door, welcoming me, beckoning to me. Almost there, I chanted silently, almost free. Suddenly, I see my reflection in another cursed mirror, and I nearly fall over myself. That prisoner was there again, accusing me, blaming me. What are you doing to me? What are you doing to us?  
  
It wasn't my fault, I plead, a desperate look shadowing my features. I never meant for all this to happen to me. A sneer crosses my mouth as I consider what I'm doing. I'm arguing with a mirror. See what this family can do to someone's psyche? I've gone mental. I've lost my mind. And I know whom exactly to thank.  
  
Raising my injured and bloody hand, I pay no attention to the pain, to the tears, to the shattered remains of the mirror falling to the ground. I pay no attention to my knees buckling from underneath me, no attention to my body hitting the ground and curling into a small ball. Shaking, I raise one hand and stroke the cruel shards containing my tearstained face, leaving a trail of blood sticking on the glass. I stiffened as I saw another reflection show itself in the shattered ice.   
  
"Chi-Chi?" his worried voice asked in concern. I turned slowly to face him, my husband. His brown eyes were filled with alarm and his mused hair stuck up in all directions, just like I had always remembered. "Chi-chi, what happened?"  
"Don't touch me!" I screamed, wrenching away from his questioning hand. "Get away from me! I hate you! I hate you!" I launched myself at him, raged by his hurt filled eyes. How dare he be hurt? Wracking with sobs, I pounded at his chest, not caring that each of my punches felt as if I were hitting a wall of stone. "I hate you!"  
"Chi-Chi!" he cried as I collapsed against him. My punches had clearly done nothing against him. I glared at him and closed my eyes tightly, unable to look at him.  
I felt a soft fabric wrap around my mangled fist and I cautiously open one eye to see my husband bandaging my wounds with shreds of his favorite shirt.   
  
"Chi-chi, what happened to your hands?" he whispered, holding them up to his cheeks. "You're bleeding so badly, Chi-chan." He paid no attention to the earlier rants and rages, but I knew I had hurt him. His dark eyes held a hint of confusion and upset. I pull my hands away from his strong grip, not surprised when he lets them go without a fight. His dark eyes are again filled with a kind of uncertain pain, and I immediately feel awful. I had hurt him.  
"I'm sorry," I mutter, turning away from him. "I didn't know you'd be so worried about a little cut." I could feel him frown, feel his breath as he sighed in exasperation.  
"Chi-chi! Your hand was completely drenched in blood! What were you doing?"  
"Nothing!" I screamed back at him, staring at my hands of cloth. "I...they..."  
"I wish you wouldn't turn me away, Chi-Chi," he whispered as he placed his arms around my waist, holding my limp and unsteady body to his chest. "I wish you wouldn't lock me out of your heart sometimes."  
"Look at me," I cry, tears sliding off my cheeks to hit the cold floor. "I'm ugly and old and weak and stupid. Why do you stay with me? Why don't you leave me?"  
"Why do I stay with you?" he repeated, incredulous. "Chi-Chi, do you really have to ask me that sort of question? I thought you knew me better than that."  
"Why?" I chanted, not listening to him, seeing my haunted face in thousands of slivers of glass. "Why, why, why, why, why, why..."  
"Chi-Chi!" he shouted, shaking me by my shoulders. "Chi-Chi, listen to me!"  
"Don't touch me!" I scream, throwing his hands off of me. "Admit it right here and now, Son Goku! You didn't really want to marry me! You never loved me! You don't even want to be here! So stop lying! Stop trying to make me feel better!"  
"Chi-Chi, listen to me," he murmured into my ear, seizing my arms and holding me tight. Kami, my body shook when he held me that close. Even after all of these years, and all of those absences, I still shudder at his touch. "I love you. I will always love you."  
"You're lying!" I hissed, turning away. "How could you love me if you keep leaving?"  
"Chi-chan, I need to do that stuff," he pleaded, turning me face to gaze right into his charcoal eyes. "That doesn't mean that I don't love you! I save the world to save you and my family! I leave you for your own sake! And I always come back, don't I?"  
"You come back for the World Tournament," I sighed, not falling for his touch the face routine. Trying not to fall...falling.  
"That's part of the reason, I admit," he said, and he tried to hold me still as I attempted to wiggle out of his grasp. "But I stay away because I don't ever want anything to happen to you, Chi-chan. If you were hurt because of me, I'd never forgive myself. Don't you understand? He hugged me tenderly, placing a kiss on my cheek. "Aishiteru, Chi-chan."  
I slump, all my earlier adrenaline abandoning me, the traitor. Where was all of my rage? Where was the speech I was supposed to scream at him? I saw his eyes flicker as they took in the sight of my bag, stuffed with all of my personal belongings.  
"We're going to tuck you in, anata," he murmured soothingly. "I won't leave you."  
Why did I stay with Son Goku? I wondered this as he carried me to our bed. As he tucked me in and wrapped his strong arms around me, I knew. As I breathed in his familiar, warm scent, I realized why I stayed with Son Goku, even if it meant so much heartbreak. This was why. I loved him. And as long as the stars shine at night, there is no way that I'll ever leave him. 


End file.
